I am wearing purple

Depression has been with me since I was a child. I feel it every day, comfortable in its home in my bones. Although there are moments of reprieve where I can feel remarkable joy and happiness, the self-loathing, the self-hatred, the desire to be gone from this life is always there, deep inside me.

Having taken so long to acknowledge the presence of my depression, my desire to recover, to fight it, stokes my desire to learn about life, about how I can come back from my place of darkness, to want to live. I want it to stop, to find a cure, to understand why I feel like this. But what I’m learning is that I can’t make it stop. That there is no why. It just is. It’s in my genetics, in my bones.

What I need to do is learn how to live with it. Strategies that…

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